Forbidden?
by addictedtomasseffect
Summary: Just what could have happened if Joker had interrupted later ... KaidanxfemShep
1. Chapter 1

Sooo this is my very first fanfiction.. and yeah I really don't know why I uploaded it because noone's gonna read it anyway O.o

Well the story popped in my head when I was lying in bed and couldn't sleep. What would have happened if Joker hadn't interrupted.. aah I still hate him for that -.- I finally decided to upload it after I finished my .. ehm I don't know .. fourth playthrough (and for me that's much) of Mass Effect today..soo yeah have fun with it :).. if that's even possible..

Mass Effect doesn't belong to me. ....meeehhh...

* * *

He was just standing there. Standing where he always stood, in front of his yellow-flickering screens and trying not to think about the woman that sat just a few meters away from him. She was leaning against the lockers, her arms wrapped around her legs and her head resting on her knees.

He had to suppress the urge to walk straight to her and cheer her up. But that wouldn't be an appropriate gesture for a lieutenant. He was sure that Shepard wouldn't appreciate it and that made him somehow sad.

He still tried not to look at her but it was not easy for him and so he saw the tear that suddenly rolled down Shepards cheek. Without thinking about it he walked straight to her and kneed in front of her stroking her cheek with his hand. She sobbed quietly and lay her hand on Kaidan's.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked softly. She looked up to him and smiled weakly "I .. I don't know.. this whole Saren.. Reaper .. Council.. and save the whole galaxy stuff is just too much.. sometimes I just don't know how to continue and I don't know what to expect next.. it's just really frustrating...really frustrating..." she sobbed again "and .. and on top of it all there's you.."

Before she could explain anything Kaidan shrieked an octave higher than normal "What? What did I do to you?? I.. I.. don't understand.."

His pulse rushed and he gave her an irritated glare. "God Kaidan.. calm down.. I was just about to explain it to you.. don't get me wrong again ok? Just listen.. please.."

"Ok I will do my best." was all he could say. "Look Kaidan", she stroked over his hand that still rested on her cheek "I really really like you , but.." , "I'm just a good friend to you, right?" He continued her sentence and stood up wanting to hide behind his computer screens again. But Shepard was faster and caught his wrist pulling him back to her. "No you idiot.. I said you should listen." He stared down at her but his expressions were relaxing "Then what do you want to say?" His question came out a little to harsh than he wanted to.

"Lets just begin where I ended.. so Kaidan I really really like you but" she breathed in "but I'm afraid it's more than that" , her heart began to pound faster "It's more than just sympathy and flirting.. you're very important to me Kaidan.. but this whole save the galaxy thing doesn't make it easy for me to think clearly..and there are rules against it.. and not being able just to be with you like that.. or just to.. " _kiss you _she ended the sentence in her thoughts. Kaidan's hand was on Shepards cheek again and he was stroking it softly "Shepard everything is gonna be alright.. you're gonna make it ... even if it sounds cheesy ... but I believe in you."

He smiled at her and stood up ."And now enough of that crying.." He offered her a hand and lifted her up.

They both had put too much power in their movements and so they crashed against each other. Shepard had her hand on Kaidan's shoulder and he had his hand on her waist. It was an awkward situation and when Shepard slowly came closer Kaidan's heart was about to explode. When she was just inches away from his lips she mumbled "Fuck the rules." Then her lips crushed against his. They both put so much passion in the kiss that it made them breathless for a moment. He let his tongue slide over the scar on her upper lip and fully enjoyed it. Her arms were around his neck and his hand was at her back slowly trailing down to her belt so that his fingertips were under her shirt and he could feel her smooth skin.

Kaidan broke the kiss just to breathe but placed his lips immediately at her neck and kissed her slowly. "We really shouldn't do this, you know?" As an answer he just became a satisfied "Mmmmmmmm .." "I'm serious Shepard" "Mmmmmm sure you are." She smiled and let her finger tips ran up and down his neck.

He stopped kissing her neck and wanted to kiss her on her mouth again before a familiar voice interrupted them. "Sorry to interrupt Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson. He wants to meet you in the Flux, this club down by the wards." "Thanks Joker." Shepard replied pissed.

Then she returned her full attention to Kaidan. She locked her eyes with his and just smiled. Kaidan could look in her eyes forever, they were of a bright green and he just loved them , like everything about Shepard. "You know we have to go." He sighed. "Ok,Commander." He didn't like the fact that they just had so little time with each other but he was sure he could get a chance to talk to her later. "Just one thing.", he mumbled and then he kissed her like before.

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I hope you enjoyed it and it wasn't that bad... sorry for my crappy english.. but what can I say.. I'm from Germany -.- ... and please.. if there's rellay anyone who read the story and liked it.. pleeeaaaseee let me know :) I have already four or five chapters on my computer o.O too much time..


	2. Chapter 2

Sooo I wanted to upload the second chapter two days ago, but it didn't work -.-

Anyway here it is :)

**Aerin Morth, fortunesque and :** Thanks for the reviews :)

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He was standing there again, his mind wandering around the fact that they had kissed a few meters away from where he stood. He couldn't do anything but smile at the thought.

Just a few hours had passed since it happened but it felt like days for him.

He just wanted to do it again.

He argued with himself if he should just go to her quarters or if he should waste his time standing there like an idiot. He glanced back to the lockers and could almost feel Shepards lips on his. Then he knew his answer.

* * *

She sat on her desk thinking about Saren, Ilos, the Reapers, the Council and finnaly Kaidan.

She heard the doors of her quarters slid open and exactly knew who it was without looking.

"Ehm .. Commander ... do you have a moment? I wanted to talk to you.. ehm.. privately.. " She turned in his direction to see his nervous expression.

"Sure. Whats wrong?" He moved a few steps further his hands behind his back.

"What happened there by the lockers .. I .. I just wanted to .. " He felt his neck get hot. "Yeahh.. I just wanted to say you .. ehm.. well.. you are very important to me too.. I can't remember when I last felt such feelings.. well .. I think I've never felt like this before.. I just wanted you to know."

She stood up from her chair and stopped a few inches away from Kaidan. She placed her hands on both sides of his head and lay her forehead on his. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her waist to hug her and she lay her head on his shoulder nuzzling his neck. They just stayed there for a few minutes until Shepard lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

"Let's just quit whit this whole save the world thing ok? We travel to earth .. get a nice house .. and watch the Reapers kicking the Council's ass ok?" , Kaidan mumbled . "If it was just that easy." , she sighed. She accidentally began to let her fingers run his chest up an down. His muscles felt good through the shirt and she wondered how they would feel without the shirt. He watched her and when she looked up to him he exactly knew what would happen tonight.

It didn't bother him the slightest.

She lay her arms around his neck and began to kiss him. It was a wonderful feeling and she even pressed herself nearer to him. He lifted her up and she swung her legs around his waist without breaking the kiss. He quickly went to her bead throwing himself on it. He was on top of her and began to kiss her throat. He felt her hands under his shirt as she tried to pull it off. He lifted himself up and took it off with one fluent movement. As he was shirtless she pulled him back to her and began to kiss him again letting her fingers run up and down his chest. When she began to open his belt he stopped to kiss her. She felt his hesitation and looked in his eyes. "Are you sure about this?" he simply asked. Her mouth on his again was answer enough for him.

* * *

When she woke up the memories came back to her and she felt the arm that was wrapped around her and the bare chest she was lying on. She felt tottaly relieved and didn't regret anything. Sure, it was her lieutenant that lay next to her without any clothes on his body, but it didn't bother her. At the moment she was just happy.

She lifted herself up and leaned on her elbow to watch him sleep. She leaned over and kissed his chest up to his neck. She was sure he was asleep and when she reached his ear she mumbled quietly "Lieutenant Alenko.. I think you made me fall in love with you."

She slowly stood up and was heading to the bathroom when she saw the clothes that were lying all over the floor. She collected hers and threw them in the laundry basket and lay Kaidans on the edge of the bed.

When she stepped into the shower and the warm water ran over her skin it felt like heaven. After a few minutes she heard foosteps heading in the direction of the bathroom. She heard a sleepy "Mornin' " and replied a happy "Good morning." She could see that he was standing at the sink only in his boxers brushing his teeth. She turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself. She saw that he was no longer brushing his teeth but he was leaning on the sink and looking in it. She stepped closer wrapping her arms around him from behind and resting her head against his back. "Everything ok?" she asked him sheepishly.

He was still staring in the sink when he began to talk "I can't imagine that I just slept with my commanding officer." She slowly began to kiss his back "I don't regret anything." she whispered "Neither do I" he replied "but I just can't imagine." Without thinking about it she began to let her fingers ran up und down his chest again. Smiling he turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you trying to seduce me again?" She was still stroking his chest as she replied "Ehhm no, not now.. I .. ehm.. I just like it." She grinned and blushed.

"Ahh ok .. good thing to know." He smiled and gave her a quick kiss. "Can I take a short shower?" he asked and she just nodded. "I'm going to get changed meanwhile.. by the way.. I think you have to wear your old clothes .. I have nothing in your size.. " He already turned on the shower "Yeah sure .. I'm going to get new clothes later."

After they both were finished they lay on the bed. Kaidan was shirtless and had an arm wrapped around her and she was lying on his chest again stroking his belly. "You really like it huh?" He joked and stroked her hair. They lay there what felt like years but their little world was interrupted by a too familiar voice "Bridge to Commander Shepard. We are 10 minutes out from the Mu-Relay."

Shepard rolled her eyes and hid her face in his chest. "I don't want to go." she mumbled against his skin. "I offered you to quit but you didn't want to." Kaidan chuckled and Shepard had to smile again. They both stood up, Kaidan putting on a shirt, and stopped a few meters away from the door, embracing for the last time before the big battle.

"See you on the bridge lieutenant." She wanted to leave but he caught her wrist and pulled her back. "Wait a moment. Theres one thing.. I heard what you said before you got out of bed... " She looked at him in irritation and realized what he ment. "Oh" was all she could say. "I just wanted you to know.. well.. that I think I feel the same.. I think I love you.. well I just don't think.. I know it.. I love you Shepard." She was tottaly baffled and looked down at her feet. Kaidan took her chin and lifted her head up so that she had to look into his eyes. His questioning glare was horrible for her so she just let the words fall out of her mouth "I love you too." He smiled and then he kissed her.

After the kiss he lay his forehead on hers breathing in her scent. "You know I have to go." "Yeah and I have to get new clothes." She chuckled but turned serious again "Maybe this is our last moment together." Her voice broke away as she said the last word. "Yeah.. I know..and thats why I'm gonna fully enjoy it." He kissed her again but it wasn't the same kiss as before, that kiss had a bitter taste of a good bye and it hurted both of them. After the kiss she just turned around and hurried through the door. Fighting back the tears she made her way to the bridge.

Yeaaah I know it's very mushy.. but I just don't like the scene when Kaidan wakes up and Shepard is standing there already... I mean "Joker's wating for you on the bridge. I swear, though, if anything happens to you..." what the hell is wrong with this guy sometimes? o.O Anyway.. I still love him :)


	3. Chapter 3

So the events of this chapter happen after the defeat of the Sovereign. I didn't feel like rewriting the end of ME, because I think it's just perfect. The look on Kaidan's face.. :( oh my god.. I can't even think about it.. on my first playthrough I really thought shep died and I was like "What the hell? O.O" so here is the next chapter :)

Aerin Morth : Thanks for the review again :)

: Thanks for the review, too :) I wanted to thank you in the last chaoter already, but somehow your name wasn't saved o.O that's why there is just an "and"

Iltapollo : Thanks for the fave :)

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Later that day they just had to celebrate whatever it was. They were all gathered in the Flux drinking and talking. Kaidan and Shepard sat at a table with Joker, Captain Anderson and the rest of the Normandy crew.

Kaidans and Shepards fingers were interlaced and they were talking to Joker. Captain Anderson interrupted them "Shepard, Alenko, I think you have earned yourself some shore leave don't you think?" Shepard turned her full attention to Anderson "How long?" "I think a month will be enough to recover." He smiled and was about to turn away again. "Wow.. thanks Captain." was the only thing she could say. She took a sip of her drink as she was suddenly pulled up by Kaidan.

"Come on.. let's dance a bit." he said, the excitement glowing in his face. "Oh Kaidan I don't think that's a good idea, you had too many drinks." "No, come on.. pleeeeaaaseee." He looked down to her with his puppy eyes and Shepard couldn't resist. "Naah .. ok.. if you want to."

He smiled wide and pulled her to the dancefloor. They were dancing close, her arms wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped around her waist. Although it was not a slow song she rested her head on his shoulder and they shifted from one to the other side.

"What should we do with our shore leave?" she mumbled against his neck. "I dunno.. maybe we could travel to earth... I know many beautiful places there. My family even has a house in the woods, it has a lake. Maybe we could spend our shore leave there." "Yeah that sounds great. We could go swimming, enjoy the sun, go to the city .. shopping.. ", she grinned, "or we just could do nothing." "Yeah that sounds great to me." He pulled her even closer to him.

"Who would have thought that I'd find you when I assigned to the Normandy?" She chuckled quietly. "Who would have thought that I would break the rules.. in more than one way." Now he was the one to chuckle.

"I love you Shepard" he said all of a sudden not a hint of his drunkenness in his words.

"I know. I love you too." she replied simply. "I just wanted to say it again. You shouldn't think I said it because I thought we were going to die. I said it because I mean it." He was totally serious. "I know that you mean it. You always think about something too much, huh?"

"Yeah I guess so."

They were continuing their dance until she felt that Kaidan was nearly resting his full weight on her. "Hey Kaidan I'm still here." , she said a little bit annoyed. The sound made him jump and he looked irritated "Huh? What did you say?" ,"Oh my god. You didn't really fall asleep did you?" She began to laugh "And you said you hadn't too many drinks." He frowned. "What? Nooo I didn't fall asleep." "Sure sure Kaidan." She smiled at him and took his hand.

"Lets get to the Normandy before you fall asleep again." "Fine, but I didn't fall asleep." "Whatever." She had to hold back her laughter and pulled him in the direction of the exit.

They made their way through the markets and up to the dock. When they were in the elevator Shepard had to support him or he would have crashed down to the floor.

When she was heading him to her quarters he said "But I can sleep in my own quarters, you don't have to look after me." "Shut up. You're drunk, you can't think clearly." After that he didn't say a word. When they arrived in her quarters she just let him fall on her bed where he crawled under the sheets and fell asleep immediately.

"Great. No more alcohol for Lieutenant Alenko." She rolled her eyes and took off his boots, after that she kicked off her own boots and crawled under the sheets. She lay with her back to him and felt an arm wrapping around her and pulling her closer. All she could hear was a mumbled 'sorry' and than it was replaced by an even breathing.

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When he woke up the next morning he was confused. Why was he lying in Shepards bed an arm wrapped around her. Did he just dream the attack of the Sovereign and the party? No, it was too clear in his head to be a dream. When he lifted himself up on his elbow he felt a headache crawling up his brain. It hadn't been a dream, that was sure now. But why couldn't he remember why he was lying in this bed. He slowly got up and made his way to his quarters. He didn't want to wear the same clothes again and so he decided to get some of his. When he got back he walked straight to the shower. He turned on the cold water and put his clothes in the laundry.

After ten minutes under the shower his headache was still not getting better. Why did he have to drink so much anyway? He finally turned the shower off and put on his boxers. He wanted to sleep a little and he didn't want to do it fully clothed. He slipped under the sheets and wrapped an arm around Shepard again.

Although he didn't knew how he got here didn't mean it bothered him. He lay closer to her and nuzzled his nose in her hair. She was so warm and smelled so good.

He could get used to waking up next to her. She slowly woke up and began to shiver "God, why are you so cold?" She rubbed her hand over his arm. "Oh sorry , I had a cold shower because of this freakin headache." She sighed. "It's your own fault. Hey you could thank me for bringing you here." "What?" She turned around and nuzzled in his chest. "Yeah you fell asleep when we were dancing because you were drunk. I carried you up here and you even wanted to complain. But calm down.. you even said sorry." She gave him a warm smile. He began to blush after he heard how he had behaved in front of her. It was purely embarrassing. "Oh I'm sorry. I just don't know.. I was so happy yesterday.. I think I had too much drinks." "Good you realize it now. I wish you would have realized it yesterday." He gave a groan and hid his face in the pillow. "I'm just such a freakin idiot." She had to smile "Yeah you are but you're an cute idiot."

She stood up and headed for her locker. She picked some off-duty clothes, a blue shirt and a normal jeans, and went in the bathroom. "But you remember that we have shore leave for a month?" "Yeah sure.. I can remember nearly everything.. I remember that we were dancing.. and then theres nothing." "Must be the time were you fell asleep." She had to laugh at the memory of his face when he woke up and refused that he had fallen asleep.

When she was ready she crawled back in her bed and wrapped her arms around Kaidan. "You're still in your boxers.. gives me inappropiate thoughts." She turned to him and gave him a quick kiss. "Buuut unfortunately we have to be at Captain Andersons office at twelve and it's almost half." He sighed "Ok Commander I'm going to get dressed."

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Ahh I have to add something.. I just loooove the Flux dance xD Everytime I am on the Citadel I go to the Flux and let my Shepard dance with Kaidan .. I can't watch it without laughing.. even if I think about it I have to laugh. It just looks so ridiculous xD


	4. Chapter 4

So here is the next chapter :)

**Aerin Morth**: Thanks for the review again :) The part where he fell asleep.. I just thought it would be so Kaidan :D The reason why I update fast is because I have summer holidays.. so no homework and I already had the chapters written on my laptop.. unfortunately school starts next week and I have no idea what to write after the next chapter :(

**darkhideout**: Thanks for the review :)

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After this nerve-wracking and stressful travel to earth she wouldn't have believed that something could cheer her up but she was wrong. The summer house of Kaidan's family was just amazing. It was in the middle of nowhere hidden behind trees. As Kaidan had told her it had his own lake behind it. The house itself was not big. It had a kitchen and a living room which were linked with each other, one bedroom and one little bathroom. It also had a porch with a wooden swing on it.

At the moment they were sitting in the swing enjoying the good weather. Shepard was sitting on Kaidan's lap resting her head on his shoulder. He was stroking her arm as she began to speak "You know.. in a month this whole thing will be over.. we have to get back on duty again.. on the Normandy .. together.. and then ..something like that on the way to Ilos can never happen again.." He sighed "I know.. but I just don't want to think about it.. let's just enjoy our time here ok?" She raised her head to look in his eyes. They were full of pain. "I don't want to think about it either but we have to.. I just don't want to have a month and then throw everything away what we have..." Her voice cracked and she closed her eyes.

"I just want to be with you." He began to stroke her cheek "I know." He kissed her forehead. She felt a tear rolling down her cheek and hated herself for that. She knew it would hurt him to see her so. "Hey Shepard don't cry." She opened her eyes again and looked at him "Please call me by my first name Kaidan .. I always feel on duty when you call me Shepard." "Okay if you want to, then Jane don't cry ok?" She smiled because it was actually the first time she heard her name from his lips. "I don't want to loose you just because of that freakin reapers or the council or whoever says something against our relationship." She interlaced her fingers with his."I know.. but what can we do?" "Yeah.. what can we do?" she mumbled. "Look, we have a full month to find a way.. and until nothing comes to our mind I know a better way to waste our time." She smiled. He could always make her smile. He took her hand and pulled her inside. "Go get you're bikini.. we are going to swim in the lake." He smiled wide and ran into the bedroom to get his own things. Shepard had to laugh at the view because he looked like an excited little boy.

After they got changed he carried her on his back to the lake. There was a small wooden dock and before Shepard could realize that sitting on Kaidan's back was a part of his plan he began to run and jumped off on the edge. They both splashed into the water and although she could have killed him for that it felt fantastic. The water everywhere around her felt good. How long had it been since she last swam in a lake? She pushed herself from the ground and swam on the surface. She looked around and could see Kaidan nearly in the middle of the lake. So he was a good swimmer, another thing she didn't knew. As she reached him she pushed him under water. When he came up again she just said "That's for jumping in the lake." and smiled.

* * *

I know it's really short.. but I have to rethink the chapter that comes after that..

My god.. I looked through lists of names for my Shepard but in the end I just chose the default name.. -.-

Again... sorry for mistakes ...


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry that it took me so long, but the first week of school was very exhausting.. and yeah.. the idea just popped in my head when I was at the gamescom yesterday.. xD .. unfortunately I couldn't play the Mass Effect 2 demo.. because I'm not old enough.. but I saw the guy who was running around as Shepard.. yeah.. let's say.. he was good-looking :D

* * *

Nearly two weeks had passed and they were lying on the small dock on a blanket staring up into the sky. It was completely dark and you cold see every single star. Shepard was lying on his chest again looking up into the sky. "Kaidan?" she said quietly "Huh Shep.. I mean Jane?" After two weeks he was still not used to call her by her first name. "What if we spend the rest of our shore leave somewhere else? Not that you think that I don't like it here. I actually love it.. but we could spend one week in a bigger city.. I wanted to go shopping and stuff." He began to stroke her hair "Sure.. why not? I also wanted to buy some stuff." "Good..." she only said and continued to watch the stars.

Her thoughts wandered around a beautiful white dress and a ring on her finger but she she shrugged them off quickly. That was not the first time in this week that she began to think about those things. Marriage was a ridiculous thought. It would make everything more complicated than it was. Kaidan would be transferred to another ship. On the other hand it would also be very hard to work with him together, in the field she would always worry about him and would be distracted. She couldn't afford to be distracted in such an important mission. They also couldn't behave like they behaved now. Kisses or even holding hands wouldn't be possible. She didn't realize that she was crying until Kaidan lifted up and embraced her. "Hey.. don't cry." She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She was still sobbing but she began to speak "You know what? They can do their Reaper shit alone. I'm out." She was angry, angry at herself, angry at the Reapers and angry at the Council. Kaidan stroked her hair softly "Jane .. hey.. everything is gonna be ok.. I promise ok? I promise we will find a way." He stood up and lifted her up in his arms. "Let's go to bed ok?" She just nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair and carried her on his arms in the bedroom. As they lay in the bed Kaidan pulled her as close to him as he could.

The next morning they were packing their things Shepard had finally calmed down. She forbid herself to think about the bad things how she called them anymore and just enjoy the time that was left. She came out of the bedroom where she was already expected by Kaidan. He would keep an eye on her by now. "Ready?" he asked her and she just nodded. Kaidan put the the bags in the car and Shepard was already placing herself on the front seat.

After a 4 hour ride they had reached a city that was big enough for Shepard. They had rented a little apartment and were walking through the city hand in hand now.

They were just passing a bride shop when Shepard felt her heart twitch painfully. She turned to Kaidan who looked like he was miles away with his thoughts "Would you mind if I would just made some shopping alone?" He looked distracted "No problem. I wanted to ask you the same anyway. I wanted to go to the local gun shop and thought you wouldn't want to .. you know." She began to smile and gave him a quick kiss."Here again in two hours?" she asked him. "Sure. See you then." was the only thing he said and then he was already heading in the opposite direction. Shepard just stood there startled. What was wrong with him? Did she say something wrong? She couldn't tell for the moment so she made her way to he bride shop.

The woman in the shop greeted her friendly but Shepard felt awkward. It also got worse when the woman came over to her "So when is the big day? Can I help you somehow?" Shepard began to laugh "No no I'm not going to get married.. I just wanted to look and maybe try on some of them." The woman looked disappointed. "What a pity. I would have the perfect dress for you. But you can try it on anyway." The woman walked in a little room behind the counter and came back with a dress lying over her arm. She handed it to Shepard who was immediately heading to the changing room. After she was dressed she obeyed herself in the mirror. The dress was beautiful and it caressed her curves. Kaidan would love it. How could she just bring up the topic without sounding like an idiot? It was just impossible that they would ever going to marry. She sighed and began to take off the dress again.

Dressed in her own clothes again she handed the dress back to the woman. "Sure there is not the right one by now?" she asked. Shepard looked irritated "Yeah .. I think it's better so." she just replied and walked out of the shop. The rest of the two hours she spend walking through shops but finding nothing. She just bought some underwear to make Kaidan not too alert. She headed back to their meeting point and waited, she waited almost a half hour until she could make out Kaidan between the other people. He had a big smile on his face and greeted her with a kiss. She frowned but smiled, so he was happy again, what did he just do in the two hours?

"Hey. Sooo..what's next?" she asked him "I was about to ask you the same. How about some food?" he replied. "Sounds great." she began to smile again and took his hand, heading to the little cafe she had seen earlier. "If i may ask.. what were you doing during the time?" he tried not to sound too interested. "Nothing big. Some girl stuff.. what did you do?" "Ehh nothing big either.. I was just in that gun shop." "And found something interesting?" "Yeah you could say so." He smiled at her and she was confused. For his luck they had reached the cafe and sat down. They ordered two coffe and some apple-pie. She could see that Kaidan was in his thoughts again when they were eating but it didn't bother her because she was in her own thoughts. The wedding dress just didn't want to get out of her mind.

They hardly talked and decided to get back to their apartment after they were finished. When they arrived at their apartment Shepard let herself just fall onto the bed pulling Kaidan with her. He lay on top of her now and she had her hands on both sides of his head. "What were you really doing during the two hours?" She closed her eyes and kissed him. "I already said... some girl stuff .. nothing you have to worry about." "Naah .. you're lying. What did you really do?" She kissed him again "I could ask you the same. Who had the big smile on his face after he came back,huh?" Kaidan rolled over to the other side so that they were both lying on their backs staring at the ceiling.

Kaidan's expressions got darker again and he sat up on the edge of the bed. Shepard felt the movement and crawled over the bed to lay her arms around him from behind. "What's wrong? You seemed so happy a minute ago." His face was hidden behind his hands when he answered "I am happy. There is just one thing that sticks in my head." She stroked his hair and didn't say anything, she didn't want to force him to tell her. After a few minutes she heard him breath in sharp and he began to speak "Do you want to marry me?" He turned in her direction his eyebrows raised. Her mouth popped open and she looked at him in disbelieve. She sat there for a full minute until she could put her thoughts in the right order and form the word "Yes".

---

As Kaidan woke up the events of the last day rushed through his head. He would have never thought that she would say yes. He was the luckiest man in the world now. With his eyes still closed he rolled over to ly an arm around his fiancée, but she was not there. Alarmed her opened his eyes and scanned the room. "Jane?" he said loud. There came no answer. He got up fast and searched for her in the tiny apartment. She was not there. He didn't see the folded paper that was lying on the other side of the bed until he sat down again.

_I love you, but I can't._

_I'm sorry. _

_Jane_

He looked at the words in disbelief. His head got red and he hid his face in his hands. "No." he whispered.

* * *

Yeah.. I had to bring a bit drama in my story :D

Even fluff gets boring after some time ;D


End file.
